Monday, August 18, 2008

Life and Times of Eddie A.

The bane of cyclists all over the world - punctures!!! I've had four so far!!! Fixing one in front of the mesjid yesterday.....

Two members of the cycling club at the roundabout near the airport, Friday 15 August 2008. It's about 8 km away from our homes. Pretty place, with the lights, fountains, lovers and all....

Ignore the title of this blog, I can't think of one.
The rides have been going on well. More rides, more punctures, plus that one time when a tire literally blew up. That was fun. All three of us were chased by dogs yesterday, good thing again, the dogs are small mutts, eager to run back to their owners with that I thought them a lesson look on their doggy faces. Mutts.... Got sand thrown at us by some monkeys - local young monkeys, some kids asking us where we bought our bikes and some intellectually challenged people here who kept pointing at our expensive bikes/expensive wheels/nike shoes/adidas socks while shouting something and laughing histerically afterwards. The poor people, we know it is hard to live with no brains and lesser will to work. Don't say the W word here.
That was yesterday, now we go back a bit.
If I wrote about my nephew Farouk who got 10 A’s (8 A1’s) a few years ago, his sister Farah got 11 A1’s last year. Maaaaaannnnnnnn…….. what are these kids’ brain made of? I hope she gets to do what she wants to do, the last was medicine but then it could change at a moments’ notice sometimes.

I must be a pushover. I guess I am at times. The last time I was home, we went to buy a pair of sports shoes for Nazzim since his present pair is in a bad state. We could not get away with buying only a pair for Nazzim, even though Sofia’s are still usable. We ended up with a pair costing RM 179 for Nazzim, RM 199 for Sofia and RM 69 for me.

At work, Dr. Durli enrolled the help of others, in this case Nina, the head translator, to get me to buy medicine after the session at the hospital here recently.

“Mr. H, why aren’t you buying your medicine? I heard you did not want to buy your medicine as instructed?”

I opened my drawer took out the prescription and a wad of money that I have put aside for the medicines. With both hands, I offered it to her.

“I was going to buy it, see, I even have the money ready but I couldn’t find the time. I was going to buy it…..”

“Come with me, we find a driver who’ll buy it for you…..”

Great, now I have a bundle of pills and a tube of greenish paste that tastes like motor oil to take everyday.

On a more hilarious front, one of my colleagues related this anecdote to me. He has been out interviewing local candidates for some vacancies in our offices.

“What is your name?”
“My name is John Smith”
“How old are you?”
“I am twenty-two years old”
“Which school did you go to?”
“I went to Public School No. 14”
“Which University did you go to?”
“I went to the Polytechnic Institute.”
“Where is your hometown?”
“My hometown is Gorat.”

Anything strange about the dialogue above? Of course not, it looked like a typical question and answer session.

OK, here is what it really is. The above dialogue was narrated by the interviewee himself, both the questions and answers. Since their English is non-existent, I guess they have been doing some question spotting and practising but somehow someone forgot to tell this guy to spit out the answers only and not both the questions and answers.

Aisey man, I need a new drug.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Ride To Live


In an effort to attract more members to join our exclusive club, The President and President of Vice of the Ahalteke Club of Axxxxxxx sent this email to some prospective folks.....

Dear Ahalteke Club Members (Present and Future),

The President of the Ahalteke Club of Axxxxxxx (His Honourable Mr. Meor), and myself (President of Vice of the Ahalteke Club of Axxxxxxx) are willing to forgo our Saturday (9 August 2008) morning ride to accompany future club members Mr. Hafiz and Mr. Amin (yes, two of them, Mr. Hafiz and Mr. Amin, go ahead and count) to Tulkuchka Market to buy their horses. Last Saturday, future club members Mr. Hafiz, Mr. Shohrat and myself did a survey of the available steeds in Tulkuchka market (it was hot!!! 50 degrees C and no kidding!!!) and found two likely models, each costing 1.9 million and 2.0 million zolkas respectively. Both have front and rear suspensions and disc brakes (just like Mr. Zaki’s motorcycles). This Saturday, Mr. Shohrat will accompany us, to act as translator and negotiator. Any reduction in price, the President of the Ahalteke Club will have the right to claim 50% of the sum, the negotiator will have a right to the remaining 50% but both have decided to forgo this privilege. This time. Mr. Hafiz likes the 2.0 million zolkas model. He likes the handle especially. Mr. Amin has yet to see either but I have a feeling he will make a wise decision as well.

Future club members, if you want to start to ride immediately, then we (the President and President of Vice of the Ahalteke Club of Axxxxxxx) suggest that you get a local steed, ride for a few weeks, before deciding on whether to purchase imported horses. Of course, we (the President and President of Vice of the Ahalteke Club of Axxxxxxx) have vested interests – we want to rope in as many members as possible into our club. But having said that, we guarantee (to all spouses and the like) that we do not encourage unhealthy practices such as dangerous riding or drinking while riding. For your information, yesterday, Tuesday, 5 August 2008, your President and President of Vice of the Ahalteke Club of Axxxxxxx rode from Molanepes (from Bitarap for President of the Ahalteke Club of Axxxxxxx) to the new office and back, a total of 20 km, suffering two punctures. In the dark. And we don’t speak French. The people around us don’t speak Japanese. That does not really matter as no one speaks English and we don’t speak Ukrainian or Tatar. But luckily we brought along spare tubes. And pumps and allen keys and star allen keys and various spics and specs that we might or might not need.

Should future club members Mr. Hairri and Mr. Rizalman wish to trust our judgement and wants us to buy the horses on their behalf, we would be glad to do so, subject to an interest rate of 0% (zero percent) per day. Note that should we be successful in attracting more members, then we could act on attracting members of the opposite sex. Or opposite gender, that sounds better. Then we worry.

It would be great if we could have a ride Sunday morning, totaling more than 3 riders (our total number of members so far. The other one being Mr. Ramzi, President of Nice of the Ahalteke Club of Axxxxxxx). Trust me, after riding 30 km, breakfast at Sazada near Nissa Hotel would not taste any better. And the sleep that all of us will need after that could not be any sounder. Thank you.


President of Vice
Ahalteke Club of Axxxxxxx
Ride Lively, Live lovely, Love Lively

Ahalteke is the name of the local breed of horse, reputedly the best in the world. It is said that the Arabs came to this part of the world and brought the camel and took back the horse that eventually became the Arabian. A fair trade you think?