Open House Grouse
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In about a month’s time, it will be the season of open houses. I don’t mind the open houses that people have for relatives or maybe for twenty or thirty folks but when you are one of eight hundred or so, I simply hate it.
A typical visit to an open house usually goes like this. We go in, meet the host, we shake hands, he asks us to dig into the rows and rows of food that he has catered and even before letting go of my hand he’d be looking at someone else to greet. We would line up and get the food, find a place to sit and eat our food in silence. Maybe some small talk with anyone who is around. You could only eat so much and in about fifteen or twenty minutes max, the eating is done and you would be restless. You are lucky if you see someone you know. But then, you would only want to stay for so long as you would have to leave for home or have to go to the next open house. Yes, just like a production line. Some proudly say, “I have to go to eighteen open houses today!!!” Like it’s a badge of honour. I guess in a way it is. Then you’d start looking for the host since you want to leave already.
You find him and the first thing he says is, “Eh, makanlah lagi, banyak lagi makanan tu…..!!!!”, all the while looking somewhere else.
We’d say, “Dah kenyang dah. Terima kasihlah banyak-banyak. Dah kena jalan dulu dah, bulu Shioyen dah keras dah, dah seminggu tak shampoo.”
He’d then say, “Eh, makanlah lagi, banyak lagi makanan tu…..!!!!”
Then we’d say, “Tak apalah, betul dah kenyang ni, kalau sesuap lemang lagi ni, you kena pergi jauh-jauh, sebab takut meletup nanti.”
He’d then say, ““Eh, makanlah lagi, banyak lagi makanan tu…..!!!!”
But we’d say thank you very much again but we do have to shampoo the cat and she usually eats the furniture if we are late in lathering her. Either that or you say that Pak Lah’s house is next in line and you do not want to keep the PM waiting, don’t you?
He’d then say, ““Eh, makanlah lagi, banyak lagi makanan tu…..!!!!”
It helps if you have a flat nose as all that lying might cause you to become like Pinocchio. I can’t stay very long at someone’s house when the owner is not even aware of my existence. I do not go to people’s houses during Hari Raya just to eat as I can assure you that all the lontong, ketupat, lemang and the associated kuahs and food that I want to eat, I have eaten at home, my mom’s house, my sibling’s houses, my in-laws’ houses, rumah Mak Lang, rumah Nek Su, rumah Tok Tib, rumah Pak Ngah and rumah Mak Uteh and they are 37.865 times tastier than any catered Hari Raya food. Try it, Andek’s rendang is 50.376 times nicer that what Munah Catering tries to pass off as rendang.
For Hari Raya, I just want to visit your house, pay my respects as a friend and have a drink and a bite of whatever that you have. Rest assured that I do not crave your catered beef rendang, chicken soto or mee goreng. Fifteen minutes of quality conversation over a glass of water and some kuih kering is worth more than all the catered food that I could ever hope to eat.
No, open houses are not for me. Not when I have to eat in tents with nine hundred other people. Hari Raya was never meant to be that.
.
In about a month’s time, it will be the season of open houses. I don’t mind the open houses that people have for relatives or maybe for twenty or thirty folks but when you are one of eight hundred or so, I simply hate it.
A typical visit to an open house usually goes like this. We go in, meet the host, we shake hands, he asks us to dig into the rows and rows of food that he has catered and even before letting go of my hand he’d be looking at someone else to greet. We would line up and get the food, find a place to sit and eat our food in silence. Maybe some small talk with anyone who is around. You could only eat so much and in about fifteen or twenty minutes max, the eating is done and you would be restless. You are lucky if you see someone you know. But then, you would only want to stay for so long as you would have to leave for home or have to go to the next open house. Yes, just like a production line. Some proudly say, “I have to go to eighteen open houses today!!!” Like it’s a badge of honour. I guess in a way it is. Then you’d start looking for the host since you want to leave already.
You find him and the first thing he says is, “Eh, makanlah lagi, banyak lagi makanan tu…..!!!!”, all the while looking somewhere else.
We’d say, “Dah kenyang dah. Terima kasihlah banyak-banyak. Dah kena jalan dulu dah, bulu Shioyen dah keras dah, dah seminggu tak shampoo.”
He’d then say, “Eh, makanlah lagi, banyak lagi makanan tu…..!!!!”
Then we’d say, “Tak apalah, betul dah kenyang ni, kalau sesuap lemang lagi ni, you kena pergi jauh-jauh, sebab takut meletup nanti.”
He’d then say, ““Eh, makanlah lagi, banyak lagi makanan tu…..!!!!”
But we’d say thank you very much again but we do have to shampoo the cat and she usually eats the furniture if we are late in lathering her. Either that or you say that Pak Lah’s house is next in line and you do not want to keep the PM waiting, don’t you?
He’d then say, ““Eh, makanlah lagi, banyak lagi makanan tu…..!!!!”
It helps if you have a flat nose as all that lying might cause you to become like Pinocchio. I can’t stay very long at someone’s house when the owner is not even aware of my existence. I do not go to people’s houses during Hari Raya just to eat as I can assure you that all the lontong, ketupat, lemang and the associated kuahs and food that I want to eat, I have eaten at home, my mom’s house, my sibling’s houses, my in-laws’ houses, rumah Mak Lang, rumah Nek Su, rumah Tok Tib, rumah Pak Ngah and rumah Mak Uteh and they are 37.865 times tastier than any catered Hari Raya food. Try it, Andek’s rendang is 50.376 times nicer that what Munah Catering tries to pass off as rendang.
For Hari Raya, I just want to visit your house, pay my respects as a friend and have a drink and a bite of whatever that you have. Rest assured that I do not crave your catered beef rendang, chicken soto or mee goreng. Fifteen minutes of quality conversation over a glass of water and some kuih kering is worth more than all the catered food that I could ever hope to eat.
No, open houses are not for me. Not when I have to eat in tents with nine hundred other people. Hari Raya was never meant to be that.
.
posted by dudae_simboyo at 16:30
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